Pain Points

Not to long ago i started to open up my relationship with pains and points of experience within my physical body, where i would take the experiences/pains in my body and open them up in writing and self-forgiveness introspecting what they are related to and more specifically seeing how i am creating those pains within me as me.

Pains and discomforts are a indication that who i am within/as my mind within my body is not aligned with the physical body or the physical reality and in that separation a friction/conflict manifests that is experienced as pain or dis-comfort. Pains and discomforts are actually great signs and provide guidance of what/where to look at and what i need to work with or process through within myself as to align myself with myself and establish self-equality and oneness.

So today, i was reminded of that by reading through a blog post of a fellow destonian. Since some time now i have a particular pain in my neck area, left shoulder and other points/experiences in my body that i kind of ignore. I deny them, meaning that „i see there is pain/discomfort“, but instead of investigating and opening up the point i either have some quick reasoning, where it is coming from or what i may have done to cause the pain/discomfort and that's about it...no investigation, no opening up and subsequent understanding. I „accept“ the pain as „it is just there“, IT is pain...it is „not me“, not ME causing it...maybe something i did or do, but not ME (who i am) in my direct relationship with my body.

I have proven to myself many times that through writing, self-forgiveness and self-investigation in conjunction with investigating/reading the Desteni-Material, such as Venos Structural Resonance Documents or particular Eqafe-Interviews, i have been able to identify, open up and work through the underlying causes of pains/experiences in the body. So why do i not do it consistently?

It is so interesting, because i see that i even do a lot of additional things to suppress or modify the experiences/pain in the body, like consuming particular foods or substances, doing even more exercise, distracting myself with media and so on...all but go to the root of it. Now, there is an other perspective on Pain/Dis-ease emerging within me: Pain/Dis-comfort/Disease is literally me screaming for attention on a particular point – it is me showing to myself where i got some work/alignments to do within myself.

Another dimension of denial is the „generalisation of a point“ and i see that i do this a lot when it comes to pains/discomfort in my body – i look at it very superficial, like „ok, pain here, seems to be related to that, i know...move on (there is nothing to see)“, when in fact much more specificity is required and points in the mind do not „simply change“ by themselves, just because i have seen them. Seldom i take a point from opening it up in writing, to self-forgiveness to finding solutions and actually walking the correction in the physical. This tendency to not act on what i see/realize/understand is a weakness of me, as within so without.

Also, and this may be the origin of the Denial, there is a fundamental problem in my relationship with pain/dis-comfort/dis-ease in my body...I fear pain, fear dis-comfort/dis-ease, i fear that it will infer with „my plans“ „my life“, that „it will prohibit me from doing what i want to do“ - pain/discomfort bothers me, i treat it like a „nuisance“ not realizing that this is exactly the relationship i have to me/parts of me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and deny the signals my body is giving me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and deny pain, dis-comforts and dis-ease in the body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear and judgment to myself for ignoring and denying pain in my human physical body having backchat like „You are so stupid, you know and should know that pain is an important indicator“

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge as punish myself for not continuing to follow through in my investigations and efforts to establish self-equality through opening up/investigating pains and dis-comforts in my human physical body, instead of seeing that this perceived „failing/falling“ in fact indicates dimensions to the point i did not yet see nor consider, yet are crucial for effective self-application and self-change.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate my relationship to the body pains/discomforts in it self.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there is a experience of denial and fear involved when it comes to pains/dis-comforts and that fear/denial is creating a form of „force field“ around the point i am looking at/investigate that hamper my ability to investigate and face my self in detail and specificity – that i hamper my ability with to see all dimensions and consequence outflows of a point that i am accepting and allowing within myself and thus i deceive myself through denial by making a point seem „less serious“, „less influential“ and „less consequential“.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to expect the mind to kind of „open up and give all its secrets to me“ and to expect it „to do all the work and change of it self“ when i have seen a point and/or its solution within me – instead of realizing that this will never happen, as the mind is programmed to protect itself. Which is a blog-topic in it self.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to listen to my body.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace pain and dis-comforts as me equal and one.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that as a male i should be not sensitive to pain as that makes me weak and a weakling.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if there is pain or dis-comfort within me/my body, that indicates that somewhere i am harming and/or hurting myself – which means that i am accepting and allowing a form of abuse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that i should not feel pain, that my body and mind should be in perfect harmony – within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my body and pains/discomforts within it through this believe that i should not feel/have pains.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear pain and pains.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge pain and dis-comfort as something that i do not want to face and experience – not seeing, realizing or understanding that pain is the key to healing as opening up, investigating, moving through and changing that within/of me that is causing harm/hurt and so pain to manifest.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to trust my body and my physical awareness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel bothered by pain and discomfort and thus try to suppress, deny, ignore or hide it.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize the gift within pains and dis-comforts.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that pain is interfering with „my plans“ or „my life“ instead of seeing and realizing that pain and discomfort is indicating where i as the mind am trying to enforce my plans/projections onto the body – instead of realizing that i should rather question where those plans/projections come from and investigate if they are actually serving ME as a whole living being.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is in fact the mind trying to enforce pictures/projections/plans onto the body, me – with my support, meaning that i am the force fueling these projections.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to treat me/parts of me like a nuisance and in/through that relationship give my mind permission to suppress and neglect parts of me which means that i will always be and feel unfulfilled.

I commit myself to listen to my body and to pay attention to the pains and dis-comforts manifesting in my body as i see, realize and understand that those are important indicators and key points in my process of self-equality.

I see, realize and understand that i have the ability to see and investigate the points of pain and dis-comfort in detail and specificity and as i move my self into and through them in writing and self-forgiveness, they will open up, as i open up and reveal my self to Me and in that develop and deepen self-intimacy.

I commit myself to see and realize that there is a push necessary to move through the force-field of denial around certain points within me and i commit myself to give myself that push and live self-inquiry and courage as look at and open up pains and dis-comforts within me.