Fear of Conflict = Conflict in Self = Fear of Self

Fear of Conflict = Conflict in Self = Fear of Self




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of telling people at work, my supervisors that i have an additional job and that will not be there two days a week.




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to tell them because i fear what they will think of me or that they will react in a negative manner and say that this is not a good idea




I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that i use/abuse the fear as a protection and defense mechanism so that i do not have to tell them and face what they have to say about it, without even knowing what they have to say about it.




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to expect facing a conflict with my superiors if i tell them about my parallel job and i don't want to talk to them about it because i think it is my decision, my business




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel righteous about taking on this second job and about not telling them, and this righteousness of „It is my life“ is what keeps me stuck/chains me to the fear as a protection/defense mechanism.




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict and that there might ensue a conflict and then i fear that i would get angry or energetic towards them and that i have to „stand up for“ and defend/justify myself – not seeing or realizing that the conflict is in FACT WITHIN ME.




I fear that i will/might not be able to do everything at once or that i will not get both points done in the time i have, yet on the other hand want get everything done. The Key here is the Self-Doubt, Fears, Worries and concerns within me – that i then project onto my colleagues and supervisors.




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and as if i let C or the whole point down in having a second job next to the masters thesis and that i apparently not put my all into it




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my thoughts/projections of what others might think of me because of taking on a second job get the better of me and overwhelm me to the point of believing thoughts like „it is to much, you wont make it, you have not enough time“ and so on, while in fact in the physical i have time that i can effectively use to already start writing for example




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my own inner conflict in relation to taking on a second job onto my superiors and other people in separation of myself instead of realizing that the conflict is within me – between the confident, willing, stable and able me and the doubtful, fearful and insecure me the comfort-Zone me, the easy way me, the only do as much as necessary me– where the second one is what i am used to, that which is familiar.




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a lot to do, needs to equate to stress or fear or overwhelmingness – instead of realizing that it should equate to action, balance and physical participation




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate sheduling my day and sticking to it, and effectively working through the tasks i give myself – creating a balanced life for self, with hard work and hard free time lol

Morning – Wake up at 5:10 – breathe, wake up, physical awareness exercise, writing

6-7 Rating, reading, showering, get things done...Flat, Emails, DIP

7-8 Write on Masterthesis

8- off for work – 17/18

Evening – Exercise, Free-Time, Eating, DIP, Research, Writing, RELAXING

22 go to bed