Fear of Failure - Day 640

This blog was inspired by a moment of seeing that i went into judgment for not keeping a commitment to consistently write for 21 consecutive days about a particular point – when i looked at the moment of making the commitment, i say that the fear of failure/falling in my commitment was already there in the moment of decision as a „integral part“ of the commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to fail at something

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the fear of failure is a system mechanism through which i prevent myself from realizing and living my potential.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to from the get go when starting, doing, beginning something new, accept and allow the fear of failure or falling to be a part of that decision and so i accept and CREATE the EXPERIENCE of FAILURE and Falling while in FACT - in Life -, there is no matter of failing or falling at all.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that that which i might perceive/experience as a failure/mistake/disfortune in one moment might be a door into a whole new dimension/perspective/aspect of my self or world that can open up for myself by embracing without judgment.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that everything is in reverse, we are „the fallen“, a fallen humanity, fallen gods and that all those „external“ „achievements“ or „successes“ i can try to create and define myself to are in fact „small, limited, dimished“ to only one aspect of who i am, are in fact „substitutes“ for Self, my beingness, awareness – thus, whenever i fail at something external and that throws me back onto myself...it is not in fact bad, it might be „good“ if it brings me closer to me/self-equality, because all those external points are only „one-point-manifestations“ where when „achieving it“ or „succeeding“ i experience my SELF for a moment, yet it does not last – it is a Substitute for Self.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to program myself with the program of „Fear of failure/falling“.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny, hide and suppress the fear of „failing and falling“ within me every time i start/begin/do something new and then the whole time doing it – because then i can continue to see/experience myself as „succeeding, committed, brave, getting somewhere“ IN MY MIND, while at the same time working against myself with/through/as fear of failing so that i do not fully have to take responsibility for „actually doing/making it“.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel righteous in/as the fear of failure/falling, where i look at my past and go „Yeah see, how often you fucked up, how you fucked up, why should it be different this time“ not seeing that this is more a judgment, that the energy of judgment is connected it and i am looking through this judgment at my past and so all i will see are „mis-takes, failure and barely-made-it`s“ instead of realizing that all those experiences where already formed within and from a starting-point of judgment and fear of failure/falling.

In this, i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that i am separating myself from physical reality and life within making projections or expectations that only exist within my mind, meaning that i become a illusionary character/personality that tries to make real/fulfill an imagined point in reality and if that does not work out for some reason, as this character i judge/blame and punish myself within the believe that the „imagined point is me“, never considering what is/would be actually best for all in a moment or point.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the fear of failure/mistakes is actually a application of me as the mind that knows/sees that it does not know and does not have control over reality/life or how things play out, yet still tries to gain control – it is imposing the illusion of control.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace and welcome the „Uncertainty“ and „Insecurity“ that physical life in this world holds and brings.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to notice/see how boring and repetitive Life would be if „everything was certain/secure“.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to put value on the „outcome“ of doing/starting something new, instead of realizing and living the value in who i am within each step and each act within/as the process/path of doing something new.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of failure/mis-take to be a constant company within whatever i do/did in my life and so i have never allowed myself to truly live and do what i was doing to the fullest expression and potential of myself, in self-trust, confidence and joy, but always on low flame, overshadowed by fear of „failure, loss, mistakes“.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit and diminish myself within the fear of failure/mistakes not seeing or realizing that the fear of failure/mistakes itself is a application of me as a limited character within/as my own mind.

Commitments to/for Self:

When and as i see that there is a fear of failure/falling within me, before i even start doing something/when i decide to do something – i stop and breathe – i realize that this is a flag-point to check and correct my starting-point because who/what is experiencing this „fear“ by acceptance and allowance is me as a character in and as my own mind in separation of me here – thus, i take the responsibility to in that moment align my starting-point back to my self, here as life and i commit and walk from that starting-point to align, substantiate, support and grow myself as life as who i really am – in that i realize there is no failure or mis-take as i am already fallen from who i really am - Thus i take a breath and give myself permission to re-engineer this failure of/as separation into a expression of equality and oneness with and as life.

I commit myself to no longer use and abuse the fear of failure/mistakes to stay in my comfort-zones or to justify giving up on something.

I commit myself to realize and remember that in equality there is no failure/mistakes – it only exists in the human mind, and is a product of limited value/morality judgments imposed by a mind-system, copied and trained by those that has gone before it – which is why we tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over again, unless we change and re-program our minds/selfs in a self-directed, self-responsible manner to assist, support and serve us.

I commit myself to let go of the program of fear of failure and the judgment connected to failure/mistakes, as i see, realize and understand that in essence it is not real, its an illusion i impose onto myself as a mind-character, that i have chosen to play.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to „like failure“

I forgive myself that for accepting and allowing myself to like seeing myself as a failure/mistake and imposing judgments as punishment onto myself for „failing/mistakes“ and apparently being a mistake/failure.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like seeing myself as a failure/mistake and for playing the failure/mistake-character, because in that i can judge and pity myself and in that abdicate my responsibility for who am and what i do/accept and allow.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see and define myself as a „tragical mistake/failure“, where i will stay and wallow in that state and character instead of moving myself out of it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to decide to play the failure-character to escape responsibility.

I commit myself to when and as i see that i identify with or define myself as a character of failure/mistake, to stop, take a breath and move myself out of that character experience as i see and realize that it is a character in/of the mind, not who i truly am as life.

I commit myself to go beyond the concept of failure/mistakes as thought in our schools and systems facilities and to disconnect and release failure and mistakes from the energy connection of judgment.

I commit myself to set myself free of the judgments of/for past failure/mistakes – and instead give myself permission to live each day fresh as a new life in absolute self-trust that i have and will integrate what i have learned in/from past failures/mis-takes as past lifes and thus live this present day to my utmost potential free from fear.