I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is somewhat
special that the beings on the mountain gave me the ticked to go back down the
mountain with the cable car and immediately classified this as a big
coincidence
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that coincidence
exists
I forgive
myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am the one that creates
a coincidence through co-necting incidences to form an create a coincidence
through defining the self-created connection of incidences as something special
– which can be everything
I forgive
myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in that if under different
circumstances and conditions no coincidence would exist and that in fact the coincidence
is self-created through my believes about a situation and thus on my world-view
I forgive
myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that in the situation
where the two beings gave me that ticket for the cable car I saw the mere act
of giving something unconditionally as special – a special gift, and within
this I am “lucky”, instead of realizing that this is based on my believe and
world-view that generally beings do not give something – In this I forgive
myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in my own judgement about
humans as “always only wanting something from me” has created/creates the
perception that it is special and extraordinary when one being gives another
something without condition
I forgive myself
that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that I defined this to be
special because the ticket must have cost money and in this I forgive myself
that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that I have defined me being
lucky within the context of getting something that is worth money – that the
whole “coincidence” was something that is/ was based on money=value outside of myself ,
getting something that makes me feel worthy makes me believe “I must have done
something right”
I forgive myself
that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have defined coincidence as something
positive
I forgive myself
that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that I have defined coincidence
as something happening that makes me feel more “worthy/valuable” what I have
not consciously planed – yet it is something that I have defined as positive
and what would like to experience …It just happened/came along
I forgive myself
that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have created “coincidence”
through backchat, internal participation
I realize
and accept that when every thing just flows and seems so be perfect = I am acting
out/experiencing my pre-programmed design
I forgive
myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that all the points
that I have defined as “coincidences” I experienced as something positive that
would make me more “worthy/valuable” where I would profit – either in from of
something that can be equated with money externally or having/making “positive”
energetic experiences/getting access to information
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that
coincidences are “showing me that I am on the right way/path” and even take
them as a indicator from my personal specialness and greatness, when actually they
are indicating that I am in alignment with the pre-programming of my
mind-system
That’s an interesting
point if/that in an Equal Money System there would be no “coincidences”…would
there? This self-created coincidence would not have happened, because the
ticket would not have cost money and thus it would not have been something
special for me that beings give unconditional something that is worth money –
unconditional sharing will be here, the cable car is free. “Coincidences” based
on profit of value/worth based on money will not exist. However, and this is
also the point that I see in the self-forgiveness that I believe that think
that humans “always only wanting something from me”… are generally greedy what
is obviously a self-judgement (A point that is coming up lately on various
spots …I wanted to write and now I had to slow down…because why do I still hold
on to this point so much …when I obviously write that it is a self-judgement. The
point is desire and I terrorize myself with this point …when actually I do not
desire something for real anymore – I terrorize myself with my own self-judgement
that I am flawed and “always only want something from others”
Wow, this is
a fucked up point within me, where I go immediately in victimization as guilt
and regret and I am tired of this point and I have to be self-honest in seeing
that this whole judgement of that all humans only ever want something from each
other was a complete possession experience according to which I judge myself and
others and that it was never the truth in the first place – I have fucked
myself to not face myself and change myself – If I don’t like what I have seen
as “human-nature” in me then I have to change me and not judge me
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other human beings as
greedy and always only being self-interested
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being greedy
and always only being self-interested
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my
girlfriend is/was dependent on me
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I was
addicted to N
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to a
realisation within and as my mind that “everybody always wants something from
me” and that I equally always only want something from others – instead of
realizing that what I experienced in this was not myself as who I really am but
the mind
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to tell me who I am and that I am
only greedy and self-interested and i can never change this
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my mind telling me
that I can not change me or my experience of myself
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I was or
could be addicted to another being or anything for that matter – instead of
realizing that this was my mind telling me this and through experiences of fear
loss I came to the point of believing this myself
I forgive
myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the whole point of N is
addicted/dependent on you and I am addicted/dependent on N was not me and the
fear that I experienced after the trip was the fear of the mind that it/i will
die/lose itself if I do not stay with her – which was more or less clear after
the point, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in
this I used the point of “her apparently being addicted” to justify for why “I have
to” stay in the relationship - which only built and furthered ego
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to and accept the fear of the
mind of death and loss as me
I forgive
myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that I have accepted
and allowed all this fear, abuse and consequences because I have in word and
though programmed myself to accept and allow all and any all kind of (self-)abuse
in the name of love/relationship = I will be willing to abuse (my)self in all
ways to somehow protect and hold the relationship to survive as a
mind-consciousness system
I forgive
myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when this did not work
anymore and I realized that I am enslaved in and through relationships I did/could
not stand this and in this alone – because I did not realize Allone – and tried
desperately to get away from my experience and in this inverted myself so that
who I am as a mind could survive
This is a “new”
point. Today as I was walking in the mornings a dog came running at me wagging
the tail joyously, jumping up on me and with this came up a memory/though of “our
dog” back then where around this time she had no longer interest to play with
the ball with me and I blamed her or my partner (that she is depressive and
that is marking up on the dog) and found other reasons for this change in the
behaviour/relationship when actually it was me that has separated and inverted
myself, lost interest and somehow given up on myself at this point –on my reality/others.
I was already somewhere else and instead of stating this openly and standing up
for myself as well as my partner in communication I kind of let it all die
away, a slow death through accumulated back-chat it was what brings up the
point of the addiction being rather to the suffering and frustrations/anger in
the relationship and in this time I inverted that this conflicts and made
ego-generation to complete DIY inside job.
I forgive
myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my relationships where
coincidences – lol
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