2012 - Magical Mystery Mindfuck

This is a point that i have participated with-in somewhat within my live, in my childhood and youth in way that I just experienced things/situations –it happened to me- and later on in would seek and create experiences “myself” deliberately. Seemingly unexplainable Experiences that I would search in Nature, while I write I realize that they were just unexplainable because i was not able to make them plain to myself – I was not able because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to explain them, to talk with or show someone my experience, because when I would explain such a experience I would lose myself as this experience that I have defined as part of “who I am”. I would lose myself. So these mysteries build a part of my self-religion, the initiations so to speak to my religion that obviously no one else could understand and take part in because it is very special, a very special relationship/connection that I had there …with … something I believed I don´t/can´t understand – something too big and very mysterious – the big Mystery ex-plain-ed: myself.

When I took the picture with the Jesus I was hiking in the mountains nearby where I worked and I had planned to go for some days, alone to encounter nature and get away from stress and work my situation for a while. It was a extremely hot day and I enjoyed walking, sweating, breathing and on the way up I meet a couple that stopped and asked for how long it will take to get down to the valley. They offered me a ticked for the cable car that would go back down the mountain because they have bought UpandDown but were now only going to use Up and going down. I was quite surprised and this pushed my already high state/feeling and I can see that already there I found this special “what a coincidence” and actually its like I am/was when I am out in Nature, hiking for example, literally looking for something to happen, right now some special experience – I was/am looking for something that I can make somehow special, that I can find great and somehow can create a experience of AWE out or towards – AWEsome Awareness a Awe here ness.

 Because our/my day-to-day experience in the systems is not an experience of Awe. On this day I actually feel great and awesome walking through the rocks in and with the grass the different kinds of flowers being moved by the wind and within this I experience myself as not separate – however when I look honestly I can see the separation because I actually was thinking “who great/awesome it would be to share this with someone/a (specific) female” which indicates clearly the nature of my state of being = Mind-Experience. The mind is never full …there is always something morebetter. So it’s interesting, these Oneness-experiences are actually forms of suppression.

As I arrived at the top I sit down, eat a bit and take some photos. My first reaction to seeing this photo with the Light on the head of the crucified Jesus was actually a “wow, what was that, that can not be a coincidence” “maybe it’s a dimensional being/jesus or such a sign” – and here see that I have created from the Desteni-material as knowledge and information ideas and believes or/and interwoven and incorporated Desteni within and as the structure of and as the mind system that I exist as – this is in September 2011 and some of this points have become quite clear and to the surface, but much more to ex-plain to myself – so I was feeling significantly high and euphoric and …wow, from another perspective this is even multimorebullshit:

I walk up wards a long hard hot way and at the at goal the top there awaits me Jesus in form of a white Light as the topping – and the way is very special for me with lots of wONdErs and greatness (wonders is separated Oneness)

I stopped than the reaction but my mind would not stop jet and bring up that “it is really more than a coincidence – if you think about how extremely seldom such a picture happens and how seldom the possibility for it to be made exists in a day… its probably only a ten seconds a day that from this position on this bench I can take this photo and it was completely not consciously directed by me - -as far as I know lol - -“ and so I searched/looked for how is such points actually possible – Why does this happen? And the answer is because I create it.

So, I am not saying that I/Ego create the sun, make it move at the specific time in the specific position and make it shine in the camera so that I can have this experience/thought of WOW, special!

Looking in common sense this point/situation where the sun stands in the specific position that this photo can be made happens everyday and from various angles more such photos are possible – It happens completely independent of me of my participation and the participation of any other human for that matter, what means that this is a absolute truth, it needs no observer no mind-participation to become real – This situation is a reality.

What is not real and what I create is the judgements and ideas about the situation and in this of reality for example that “this is special, only for me this happens” when its clearly not –lol actually the unreal mind-experience = “only for me this happens” so this is also like trying to possess a moment, which shows how really everyone is secluded in her/his past-possessions as moments and in and as such separated from oneself, each other and reality as a whole

This is also then the way how one is brainwashing oneself when one believe such experiences to be “who one really is” = fucking special because in essence this experience is still no coincidence which is even more intricate – How come that I have directed myself to walk this path on this day, at this specific time, to meet this beings giving me the ticket that lead me to be at the at top in this moment to take the picture, experience the thoughts and question my reality – That interesting, its like I create my own illusions/situations of illusion to either face my deception and realize myself as the creator or stay in the illusion. However, to say that I direct myself to do so is like another form of making myself believe that I am in control.

When actually it is what I have programmed myself to do and experience in the past and now I am playing out my self-programming as “mystical coincidence” – I programmed myself to look for it and find such. The point exposes and reveals to me the extent to with the religious brainwashing of Christianity has despite (or because) of my resistance against it found some ground and fruited within me, when I take a honest look I have as well often used jesus´s words to further and defend my position/personality and generally seen and accepted him as a example and a real being in fact I would have wanted to be like jesus and even compared myself …for example with my hair …Lol how brainwashed I am OMFG …exactly with the points of personality/picture presentation – not quite the living word … rather living evil deception using stolen information and knowledge in and as a deceptive presentation of myself to justify myself and hide behind.  

One Memory that comes up as one of the first points in relation to such mystical or “religious experiences” was a experience that I had on a field behind the farm of my grandmother where I stayed often when I was younger and my parents were at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe that I can not find the memory and remember clearly what was its significance.

I was playing or simply being on an empty field playing with the earth that was crusty and had deep cracks from the rain drying off and the earth shrinking creating these structures. I enjoyed pretty much being alone roaming around feeling free, it was like a summers day and I was like, actually I was also kind of feeling alone and sad, lonely… I have like a picture, where I sit there and play with a stone and it is like the time stands still – the/my immediate environment seems like infinite and extremely enlarged. I experience myself like in a desert thousands kilometres away from other humans – and here pops up the story of jesus being in the desert, or moses- and I experience something like a unnatural light or a perception thereof – its like my perception expands and I lose myself for in this moment. Also a the ripple/waving effect that I/one would experience with psychedelic is somehow present.

Another point that would come up with such is a memory where I am about 8-10years old and I want to visit my mother after school in the work where I have to pass a grave-yard and church. At the end of the graveyard is a little chapel and I walk in on this day and something is like shining and glittering and I am experiencing Awe a sense of wonder – for a Minute or so I am struck have no clue what the fuck is going on there, what is causing this shining light effect. Obviously there is also a Maria-statue situated before a window through which light can shine in. So after the initial amazement and mystification my thought process started working again and I was thinking about if this is a miracle I am at least in a chapel – I was not believing in god and thus rather sceptical…did I really not believe in god? I guess I had more fear of hell and punishment. And than I found that the material that the walls was built of and a glittering stone was creating the reflections of light that hit my eyes so basically I discovered the source of my experience in the plain physical reality – and I was rather disappointed of that.

Interesting the words that I used for describing the experience of being in this state where I have no concept –based on previous knowledge/experience- for my experience: amazement and mystification

a-maze-men-t : ZACK, Fuck und ab gehts in-to maze/labyrinthe of the mind – because when the mind has no concept based on a preprogramming steht the mind da wie der Ochse vor dem Berg/ the mind is like a dying duck in a thunderstorm – no clue how to further proceed …wow amazing!

Mystification: Myst-i-fiction is a mystical story about myself

mist

 noun

1.

a cloudlike aggregation of minute globules of water suspended in the atmosphere at or near the earth's surface, reducing visibility to a lesser degree than fog.

2.

a cloud of particles resembling this: She sprayed a mist of perfume onto her handkerchief.

3.

something that dims, obscures, or blurs: the mist of ignorance.

4.

a haze before the eyes that dims the vision a mist of tears.

 I really start to “love” the dictionary! – lol        

 

fic-tion

noun

1.

the class of literature comprising works of imaginative narration, especially in prose form.

2.

works of this class, as novels or short stories: detective fiction.

3.

something feigned, invented, or imagined; a made-up story: We've all heard the fiction of her being in delicate health.

4.

the act of feigning, inventing, or imagining.

5.

an imaginary thing or event, postulated for the purposes of argument or explanation.

SO, because I have no concept for the situation I create a made-up story for the purpose of argument and explanation that actually dims, obscures and blurs my vision through a haze before my eyes – That’s mystification. When I look at it from the pre-programming-perspective its like first a maze is created, an confusion and then I/one was/is like ready for/to accept some mystic/religious ideas for explanation. And again the environment in this situation has a quite an influence on what one will accept as a concept to solve/understand the situation… than its like yeah, because I am at a graveyard in a chapel with a Maria-statue in SIGHT its plausible that my experience has something to do with this – it’s a wonder! And here the emotional component comes in as a thrill or excitement something mixed between fear and euphoria - Awe a sense of wonder lol, have I written above- and this was done/experienced before I found out that’s no wonder/nothing special …so the emotional/feeling imprint – which is that what I want to repeat – was done already.

It´s like HAHA, so now go and search for “this” again – for a Magical Mystery Mindfuck

One Point that ties in with this and where I can see how I liked to experience such undefined points and actually leave them undefined or rather create something out of is me going for a walk on some Fall-day and finding a desert-rose/sand-rose on a tree and was strongly wondering where this comes from, because I researched that its normally found in the desert and even if I was like realizing and seeing on some level that someone might/must have placed it there I interpreted and wanted to believe in some special meaning or whatever.

With a high level of certainty some spiritual People placed it there in their search for enlightenment to tame the Big Babou or a similar mindfuck –lool