The first thing in the morning was that i have "forgotten" to set my alarm, no i have set the false one and thus slept two hours longer than i planned to and i at first reacted wanting to judge myself but than accepted it pretty much. I was rather depressed in the morning and already stessing of what i have to do and looked at the facebook where a pictures was brought to my attention that brought up the whole point of "self-love" and in this the question for me "yes, fuck why do i still not love me - why do i not express apreciation for what is here as all as equal?" and this brought up the point of self-hate ...

A interessting point in this context was the way i want to/do speak/direct/command myself as i have noticed that i often say "Stop!" to my backchat in a way that it is actually a form of self-hate and judgement: Go away! and in this actually abuse and to give me a experiance of superiority and control. This is a point for me to flag and consider how i participate Do i react of do i direct? ... Than a gentle No is enough and effective.

The working is also a interessting point now. Lots of reactions and as they accumulate i get chaught in the mind and lots of thinking...what is prominent is a Personality of wanting to be very friendly and a inferiority and self-judgement. There are more Points within this but one thing that i have seen specifically is that i do go into the mind pretty fast when i am faced with a "Problem/new Situation" when i dont know what to do, when i face a new situation and have to make a desicion and i have not yet established the way to do this - and there are lots of these situations...so i realize that this i quite normal behavior and nothing to judge. I use the mind to find a solution in the moment

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to be able direct everything even things i have never done, seen or learned already
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to just want to breathe
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not trust me in my decisions or words in the moment and then go into judgement and self-doubt in the mind and asking "was this right" should i have done this different analyizing and questioning every action and interaction
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i particepate in a polarity of "wanting to know everything already-Superiority" and then "seeking validation/friendliness from inferiority"
I forgive myself that i have not alowed myself to see and realize that this wanting to be perfect is just a believe in my mind  
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to when i have done something: leave it at that and move on