Friday, November 11, 2011

The Evening

Wow, so today after submitting the post the day really started...I wanted to do some recordings of translations and sat in front of the laptop. I had quite a resistence or/and pressure with doing this because i have not done this very often and dont really know how to also the message of Equal Money is most important and i do not want to make failures or simple do it good. Also i see that i am not so stable within myself that i dont react and i am "extremely wobbly" the last week or so - i feels like i am moving on a boat or waves moving inside me- so i notice that i do react quite ab bit with fear and constriction in the solarplexus. The point is also that i do not really know how far or not i participate in Ego with this or in general-If i experiance this because i participate from Energy, yet i have to because i have not so long- So yes i am not moving as self - yet i am moving at all.
As my laptop broke i could see how much i reacted and how much i have defined myself as the work and the work as important and me as inferior, if that makes sense.
First i was shocked than, i blamed myself and whined, also the point of "I can´t never do something right" came up and showes me where this Ego comes from. I want to prove myself that i am worth something if i define myself something that i do.
Ok, it is not practical for future to work, do and express in this way because it creates strong fluctuations if something does not work.
I did then some recordings with my Handy and was the faced with the next problem, that the files cannot be uploaded on the pc i have access to. After the chat - while the chat i got an email and acctually wanted to give up and the recordings to others - i got a mp3-player from a friend so i will use this tomorrow.
The coolest way to do this afait is to walk and speak while walking 

I really actually still hope that the Laptop will somehow magically fix it self lol i come home and it works again that would be cool...

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