Monday, August 15, 2011


Ok, today i had the whole time an stuffed nose and a kind of sore troath. It was raining and i was going with the bike to collect some mushrooms in the woods. Later i heared a newer desteni-video and read the SR-Document from Veno on the nose point and applyed Selfforgiveness. I found then a huge amount of suppressed anger in relation to religion/christianity/church etc. and was at the point where i forgave myself for connecting this anger to my parents as they are also Christians. The anger transformed as i was on the toilett and i feeled free and happy. There i had the memory of me staying at home from church and than asked my parents how old i was back then and how i expressed myself in relation to religion etc.
This then set of a conversation that first went quite "cool" from my perspective as my dad shared some points of anger against my grandfather and mother and me clearified a system that i have also:

As i was a child we went to my grandma every sunday to have a family-gathering until i was about 14 years where i stopped my participiation rather apruptly especialy with me the getting/having an relationship and spending most time with her. My realized then that my childhood is over and also the time where i will participate with them in familiyactivitys. So from this point on she said that she blame her mother for "forcing" us to come every Sunday and she feels like my grandmother have stolen her something/the "time where i was young" and that we have never had the time to do something together.
This is very interesting because yesterday (a sunday) i realized this feeling and thougts within me that i feel forced to participate with them
Also the point that i feel like my mother has taken something (my enjoyment) away came up

The "problem" begann as i was trying to explain myself and i started to participate in Ego and Emotions more and more - trying to make them understand - and the conversation started to lose direction, or i started to lose direction of myself and it ended in a two angry beings (my dad and myself) as the startingpoint of the whole thing was this released energy of and unfinished Selfforgiveness

SO, better to finish a point or sort out completely by oneself than to go and talk and ask others (that are involed) on the subject. I see that i have done this over the last days a few times - like talking about memorys or selfrealizations - EGO-alarm!

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