So, at the moment i am not really wanting to write an am actually having the thoughts of "A i will only write a little/What the fuck should i write about?"
In the mornings i fell a sleep again, after being woken by the alarm. I drove to work with my dad and in the car i noticed myself still having residual backchat about an conversation froma few days ago and i tryed to speak with him about some "meaningless" stuff and still participate in Ego. Sometimes when i for example sit on his place in the kitchen i feel like i am him or like "this exact behavior is my father in me" or when i sit near him i have/had then thoughts like "I participiate in Ego - and i know it - so you can see/face who you are"  which is clear revenge and i also experiance an anger
Later after work we eat together and i asked him if there is something separation us - actually i sad if he is not wanting to eat more and feeling not fit because of/in relation to me/our conversation/paticipiation on Monday, or if it is only in me. He said it must be in me, he is over it fine with it ... but the thing that is haunting him and that i should consider is that/how/why i used the word HATE in realation to religion/parents and in general.
We that talked a bit, quite cool, and he said that he never wants or tryes to never wants to say to others again:" You can not do that/You will never make that" so that i could share that i noticed that i always try to prove something to him/them to "show him" taht i can do it on my own which even showes in this not wanting to drive with him in the car, but "on my own"