Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Writing 07092011

Today a i experianced quite "heavy" reactions as thougts/emotions/feelings. With working  in the lab i noticed the tendency to go into a kind of separation from all that is here and only focussing on "my Work".
I forgive myself for accepting and allwing myself that to think and belive that have to separate myself to focus on work
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to be here with work as the moment of working so that im here as as all as one as equal
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allwoed myself to belive that i can only focus on one task/thing/fact at a time - "my work"

A female being at work gets her certificate of work/lerning tomorrow and i asked her about it "So you get ur certificate tomorrow" "Yes, we making Photos etc." she looked really happy/smiling and we laught. Somehow i could not stand this, to simply express myself with her as enjoying this moment. I feeled inferior because i feeled attracted and started to ask
"waht did u get as a grade?"
"89% - of the points"
"Ah,89 not 98 i understood 98"
"So you will end up hanging in the hall of fame of ....(company) Things like this you do not forget"
I than snapped out of this bullshit and looked at what the fuck i implyed/allowed
I realized that i compared myself and my certificate to her to subconcouisly put myslelf superior according to knowledge and this triggered a pretty extensive train of thought/emotions/memorys.
With reading my "older" forum-posts i realized that i still have not acctually looked at and opend up the knowledge-point in its facettes and that this Point is comming up quite prominent at the moment

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