Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Writing 14092011 Accept it - and you are fucked

So today i had and "interessting" experiance of mind-possesion. So with stopping masturbation i have noticed some compunding of systems wihtin myself and also desire for sex or orgasm underlying yet it is possible to breath trough and i do so. At work two girls were going outside to get a sample a short walk away. It was raining outside and as they were coming back i was asking if they have gotten wet by the rain. One of them said "No, because we had an umbrella"
As she was gone a collegue said "So, then you have nothing/not to rub them dry"
I had an imagination of this popping up in the mind and - interpreted it sexually - and reacted with laughting/smiling but also the thought that this sentence of him was his minds interpretation of the situation and the thought that he says this to me because he knows i have no relationship and sees me in this way and wants to kind of "get me out behind the oven"
I reacted again and said to him -because he is in relationship, and i percived the situation as him projecting his desire- "Yeah, but you are not even allowed to..."
So in this reaction i have already accepted the bullshit-imagination
As it was bugging me in my break i applyed self-forgiveness spoken aloud on Sex/self-expression/slef-care and experianced quite an release and opening up - and expressed myself more with the beings - jet i experianced myself possesed by the point and then soon started to judge and supress myself again, especially in relation to the femals at work, as i would the want to flirt and talk etc. with them, but than there are lots of points that i judge like them having partners, being to young - wihtin this i can see that i very often connect and realate the most forms of relating -with females- to relationship and have a lot of morality-bullshit created around it.
The point that i want to make is that if i would have stayed here, instead of going into separation and thinking that "it was his projection ... .blahblah" i would not have accepted to reacted and in this manifested the playout of judgements and possesion

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