Friday, September 23, 2011

Writing 23092011

In the mornings i "overslept" as my clock did not work - handy was out - then i noticed the tendency of judging myself and i see that i have created a point of being "proud" of myself for not sleeping long when i am/was staying with my parents and working and i percieved this as very important - so i have to be aware of this point, i drew the taro-card of morality which basicliy showed my that i jugde sleeping and in this myself within the polarity of good/bad. I applyed SF and this cleared it pretty much. Generally i have noticed quite and change in my overall experiance here, more relaxed, wanted to write lazy=judgement which is not really true for today. This "relaxion" is pretty much due to not having other beings/situation that bring up the points/reactions so "nothing to relate to" for the mind 
This means not that the mind is mircuosly gone but here i simply have/live another "pattern"

Today i was buying some food and in this had some reactions to the no sugar-commitment because it was "not so easy to find something without sugar" "Ah, all the stuff that i can not eat now, i can basiclly eat nothing at all" "How good would this be now" but i noticed that i avoided looking at the sweets, icecream etc
but i mean why should i create something (i have to face and confront myslelf with the continoued sight of sweets-like i did with porn- if i "know" i will react) this is deliberatly creating an reaction to show me that i react so i can judge myself=Self-abuse = mind-fuck

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